


Subliminal

by Ad_Astra



Category: Free!
Genre: Humour, M/M, RinRei Week, basically everyone being embarrassing all around, cheap lecherous jokes, copious amounts of secondhand embarrassment, embarrassing first time sex, some SouGou at the end, warning: Nagisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-03-05 01:43:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3100406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ad_Astra/pseuds/Ad_Astra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin wants the D. His friends all try to be useful. </p><p>Unfortunately, good intentions and success sometimes tend to diverge rather spectacularly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So Put Your Hands Down My Pants, and I Bet You'll Feel Nuts

**Author's Note:**

> For RinRei Week 02 Day 1: Food.
> 
> The food part will come into play on the 3rd part of the story. I'm sorry I couldn't finish this fic on time, but I really wanted to post this while RinRei Week is still in effect, so I split it into 3 parts instead.
> 
> Special thanks to [attemptsonwords](http://archiveofourown.org/users/attemptsonwords) for the beta!
> 
> Chapter Titles are from Bloodhound Gang's song "Bad Touch."

_Today_ , Rin thinks darkly, as he flings the door to his office open and stomps over to sit down on the nearest chair, _is the day that was pulled from Satan’s asshole._

Apparently, he failed his English exam because he didn’t notice that there were another set of questions at the back which accounted for 50% of the grade. Then at lunch, the person in front of him got the last bowl of spicy miso ramen, and he was forced to have inari sushi for lunch, which he fucking hates. 

Then, right as he was thinking that he can work off his bad mood during swim practice, he found out at the last minute that the Samezuka pool was temporarily closed for maintenance, which also meant that the carefully planned training regimen he slept late for was all for naught.

The last straw was when he heard some hapless underclassman wonder out loud if the captain was on his period, and was about to teach him a severe lesson, when Aichiiro quietly pulled him to the side and bravely informed him that the red ballpen he put in his pocket had bled rather prolifically all over his backside.

So, predictably and unfortunately, when he returned to his dorm to sulk and maybe punch his pillow a few times, Sousuke took one look at his face, deemed him unfit to stay within a one meter radius of his personal belongings, and summarily hauled him towards his captain’s office near the Samezuka pool.

So now here he is, in his cramped office trying not to destroy something while Sousuke turns on his laptop, opens up three different websites featuring frolicking felines and instructs him to go calm down while he makes a phone call. 

Rin tears his gaze away from a GIF set of kittens fitting themselves in wineglasses. “Who are you calling?”

“Ryugazaki,” Sousuke answers, as he brings the phone to his ear.  “You need to get laid.”

The speed with which Rin leans over the desk and snatches Sousuke’s phone away would’ve impressed even Haru. “What the fuck Sousuke, you can’t just ask people for sex on my behalf, what the hell is wrong with you?”  

Sousuke stares at him like Rin’s the one who’s being an asshole. “Why not? He’s your boyfriend and he can cheer you up.”

Rin holds Sousuke’s phone tighter in his hands. “We just can’t, okay? Even if you asked, it’s not gonna happen.”

“What do you mean? Don’t tell me you’re…” Sousuke’s eyes widen almost comically in disbelief, when Rin fails to hide his famous busted-and-embarrassed face. “You’re kidding.”

Rin looks away, scowling. “We’re both busy okay. And there aren’t exactly a lot of places we can... you know.”

“So wait— you were actually teaching him how to swim all those weeks ago?”

Rin stares incredulously at him. “Yes, what did you think we were doing? Ugh no, wait don’t answer that,” he adds, when Sousuke smirks and opens his mouth to reply. 

“And you’ve been going out for how long now?”

“Four months, three weeks and five d— look, can I just go back to looking at kitten videos please?”

Sousuke holds out his hand. “Only if I can get my phone back.”

Rin glares and cradles the phone closer to his chest. “Promise you won’t call anyone?”

Sousuke rolls his eyes. “I’m just going to play my game.”

Rin reluctantly returns Sousuke’s phone, and true to his word, Sousuke just opens his Clash of Clans game and is soon immersed in another one of his barbaric virtual skirmishes. Rin goes back to his website, but Sousuke’s question just opened up a Pandora’s box that won’t leave him alone. Without realizing it, he has already opened a new Google tab, and typing in

“How to make him jump you,” someone reads aloud behind him, and Rin nearly breaks his laptop when he slams the lid down.

He whips around and sees his former captain, Mikoshiba Seijuuro, grinning at him. Rin wonders how Mikoshiba even got inside without him noticing; the guy’s not exactly inconspicuous, what with that height and flaming red hair. But then again, it’s Sousuke who's sitting behind his desk on his seat of power, while he gets demoted to the visitor’s chair, with his back to the door.

He throws a quick glance at Sousuke, who’s currently giving Mikoshiba a little acknowledging nod, which means he probably saw Mikoshiba sneak up behind Rin and deliberately chose not to say anything. He quickly revises his opinion on Sousuke's 'best friend' qualities seeing as he has obviously misjudged him this whole time.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Rin snaps, working up his most poisonous glare.

“I was visiting Momotarou and decided to check how the pool maintenance was going. Then I saw the lights on in the captain’s office,” Mikoshiba answers, wearing a shit-eating grin that makes Rin want to hit him. “But never mind that.” He pulls out the chair beside Rin and sits down. “Having love troubles, Matsuoka?”

Sousuke makes a suspicious sounding cough. Rin gives him a vicious kick under the table for that, and for not alerting him to his former captain's presence earlier, before turning towards Mikoshiba.

“With all due respect Captain, this is none of your fucking business.”

Mikoshiba doesn’t appear perturbed by Rin’s attitude. “I really think I can help you, you know,” he says, putting on an eager, wide-eyed expression, like this will make him any more trustworthy in Rin’s eyes. “I’m taking up psychology in college.”

“No.”

“Just give me a hint of what your problem is?”

“I said I don’t—”

“—He wants the D,” Sousuke interrupts, this time dodging the second kick Rin aims at his shins, so Rin throws him a look that promises painful, cruel retribution for this betrayal instead. It goes largely ignored.

Mikoshiba’s eyes widen and he scoots closer to Rin. “In that case, I’m sure I can be of help!”

It’s official: Rin’s day has gone well past shitty and dived head first towards the spectrum of “Murphy’s currently engaging in a cosmic level bowel movement and using my day as a toilet.” With his rage meter closing in to critical levels,  Rin forces himself to take a deep breath and think of the most graceful way to get out of this situation without resorting to horrific acts of violence.

He quickly takes stock of the situation. Sousuke seems hell-bent in making Rin’s sex life happen (presumably out of misplaced concern for his anger management issues), enough to actually throw Rin under the bus, if it means getting help. Meanwhile, Mikoshiba is not the type to relent, especially on topics relevant to his interests, and he might just be sadistic enough to ask Momo, which is a scenario Rin never ever wants to think about unless he absolutely has to.

And so, the only logical course of action left is humiliatingly clear. “Fine,” he grits out. “Give me some advice.”

Mikoshiba brightens up, like Rin just fulfilled all his wildest fantasies. He shifts his chair around so that it’s fully facing Rin. “So what seems to be the problem?”

Rin chews on his lip, and stubbornly keeps his gaze down on the floor. “I haven’t been successful yet.”

“Why not?” Mikoshiba asks, his brow furrowing.  “Don’t tell me you can’t get it up? Or can’t keep it up?”

Sousuke makes a wretched noise like he’s choking on his own spit. Rin kicks him again, and this time it connects.

“Captain,” he grits out, ignoring the sight of Sousuke crumpling in pain. “There is nothing wrong with my dick.”

“Oh thank god, because I really can’t help a lot in that department, though I can give you the number of the local sexual health clinic—”

“—I just need to get laid,” Rin cuts in, because he really doesn’t want to stay in this discussion longer than what is absolutely necessarily. “Specifically, I’d like to get Rei in the mood.”

“Right. Well then, I know just the thing.” Seijuuro stands up from his seat, and Rin only has a moment’s notice before he’s being yanked from his chair by the scruff of his jacket.

“What are you doing?” he yelps, as Mikoshiba pulls him to his feet, and steadies him with a palm at his hip.

“I’m going to show you a trick,” Mikoshiba answers pleasantly, as he gently pushes Rin against the wall. “You know those word association games?”

Rin glances at him warily. “Yeah…”

“Well we’re going to do something similar.”

Rin raises an eyebrow at him.  “Look, for all that my boyfriend is a colossal nerd, I really don’t think playing word games is the way into his pants.”

Mikoshiba laughs, looking horribly amused at Rin’s presumption. “It’s not technically a game,” he says. “See, in psychology, we have this controversial concept called Neuro Linguistic Programming—”

Rin holds up a hand. “Spare me the technical mumbo jumbo captain, and just tell me what I need to do.”  

Mikoshiba clucks his tongue and runs a hand through his hair.  “Okay fine. Are you familiar with the word _anchoring_?”

Rin shares a look with Sousuke, who just shrugs, obviously as clueless as Rin is. "No. What the hell is that supposed to be?”

“It’s a subliminal way of putting what you want someone to think at the forefront of his or her mind,” Mikoshiba explains. “I’m not going into the technical details, but in your case, your goal is to get him used to the idea of sex right? So you have to use words that will make him _think_ of sex.”

Rin scrunches his nose, unsure where this is going. "Like what? Penis?"

"A little more subtle than that. One of the easiest ways is actually using words that rhyme with sex.”

Rin blinks. “You want me to entice Rei into sex… by rhyming?” Saying it out loud makes it sound even more ludicrous. And Mikoshiba actually pays matriculation to learn this?

“Yeah, like… bring up the number six in whatever form you want,” Mikoshiba answers, nodding enthusiastically. “Or uh Pokedex. Or um Rolex."

Holy shit, Mikoshiba is _not_ kidding. Rin is beginning to regret this whole advice business—he could’ve used the valuable time for much better things like watching cats get stuck in things. “That,” he says, making sure his voice reflects exactly how he feels, “…is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard _.”_

Mikoshiba winces. “Yeah, sorry my English isn’t that great.”

“No, I meant—”

“—That's not all though,” Mikoshiba interrupts. “When you're saying the word, you need to casually touch him.  Like this.” Without warning, he then reaches around Rin, slides his palm along the small of Rin’s back and whispers. “So I’ll pick you up at six-thirty alright?” He leans in way too close, his warm breath tickling Rin’s ear. “Remember the time. _Six._ ” He puts an emphasis on the kssss sound, which makes Rin feel like something touched him in a very special private place, and without meaning to, he shivers.

Mikoshiba notices and grins satisfactorily, retracting his hand. Rin wants to punch that smug smile off his face.  “That sounds more skeevy than arousing,” he says instead, because like hell he’s going to admit that he actually got affected.

Rin’s lack of enthusiasm for his advice doesn’t seem to affect Mikoshiba a single bit. “Well that’s because I’m not your boyfriend,” he reasons. “Anyway Matsuoka, if you’re going to try this, you need to remember that this is a gradual process. Subtlety is key, or else you’re screwed. Well, technically not because—”

“— I get what you mean, Captain,” Rin interrupts. He briefly runs the entire explanation through his head again, noting all the ways this is a bad idea but keeping in mind that he’s curious enough to try anything once. “Are you sure this is going to work?”

Mikoshiba sighs and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. It is not a comforting gesture. “Well actually,” he mumbles. “NLP is a controversial study which is heavily disputed by scientists and is considered pseudoscience—“

Rin groans and fights the urge to bang his head on the wall.

“—but hey, it’s worth a shot right?”

“So you’re basically saying that this whole thing is a bunch of bullcrap,” Sousuke summarizes, eyes narrowing and one eyebrow rising to form his patented look of utter disdain.

“It’s exhaustively studied bullcrap, if that's any comfort.”

Every part of Rin wants to scream at Mikoshiba for wasting his time, but he’s also painfully aware of the fact that his former captain is very much experienced in this particular life arena in many ways. Pseudoscience or not, Rin personally felt its effects earlier (though he will never ever admit that out loud), which may conceivably serve as the empirical evidence he needs to conclude that it’s worth a shot.

Mikoshiba checks his watch. “Anyway, I need to go.”

“Yeah, thanks for nothing,” Rin mutters under his breath.

“Hey, at least I was honest about it,” Mikoshiba answers defensively. “It’s up to you if you want to try it.” He gets to the door in two strides, hand closing around the knob. “See you around Matsuoka!”

“Captain,” Rin pipes up before Mikoshiba can step out.

Mikoshiba turns back slightly. “Yes?”

Rin takes his time to slowly look up and grin at him, making sure all his pearly whites are prominently displayed. “If you ever try these things on my sister, I don’t care who you are, I’m cutting your balls off.”

“And I’ll make you eat them,” Sousuke adds helpfully.

Of course, since this is Mikoshiba fucking Seijuuro, he just laughs loudly like Rin just told him a funny story instead of threatening him with genital dismemberment. “Wouldn’t expect anything less from you, Matsuoka!” he says, with a broad grin. “Good luck!”

He leaves the two of them, whistling a happy tune as the door shuts behind him. Once his footsteps have faded, Sousuke immediately turns towards Rin. “You’re not seriously going to try that are you?”

Rin opens the lid of his laptop and rolls his eyes at him. “What do you think I am, some sort of idiot?” he scoffs, as he clicks on the results of his previous search, which for some reason, includes a site about bizarre uses of butter. “Of course not.”

*

"We should increase our bench press exercises in our weights training,” Rin recites, with all the authority his 10 years of swimming experience can allow. “As butterfly swimmers we need to have great..." He reaches out and gently presses two fingers on Rei’s breastbone “...pecs."

Rei doesn’t appear to find this strange, which is supposed to be a good thing, because as Mikoshiba told him, he needs to be subtle.

"That makes sense,” Rei answers with an approving nod. “I shall make the necessary changes to our routine." He goes back to his warm-ups, shifting his hips to the side, bending his left knee and slowly extending his right leg, his calf muscles flexing at the stretch. Rin bites his lip, because goddamn, Rei’s legs are divine specimens of human anatomy, and Rin is so blessed to have a front row view to them whenever he wants. And if he can pull this off, maybe he can finally get the backstage access too.

His phone buzzes all of a sudden, snapping him out of his shameless ogling, and he hastily checks it. The text is from Sousuke and all it contains are a set of specific words.

> **Y. SOUSUKE** : T-rex pokedex rolex sax wrecks next text ex.

Furrowing his brow, he looks around the gym and sees Sousuke standing by the water fountain, giving him a jaunty little wave with his phone, coupled with dramatic eyebrow acrobatics that tells Rin he’s going to be getting the biggest haranguing of his life when he gets back to their dorm later.

It’s a good thing he’s so used to Sousuke catching him in the act, because his reflex reaction to blush and sputter uncontrollably is immediately suppressed due to the ‘helpful asshole best friend’ factor.

He puts his phone away, takes a deep breath and struts over to Rei, his every stride brimming with purpose. "We’re on light weights training now yeah?”

“Correct,” Rei answers.

Rin puts on his most winning smile, trying not to think about how ridiculous and stupid this is making him feel, and steps closer to Rei. “Can you show me the angle of your bicep curls again?” he says, as he reaches out and wraps his fingers around Rei’s upper arm and squeezes a little. “I want to see how the muscles would… flex."

“… Of course.” Rei dutifully demonstrates, the cuts on his arms becoming more prominent with each curl, and Rin thinks that even if this whole exercise makes him feel like a total sleazebag, at least he’s getting some nice visuals out of it.

“Done?” he asks when Rei finishes his set, hand grazing Rei’s elbow.  “Great, let me go _next.”_

Rin surprises himself by how long he’s managed to keep up this whole song and dance number. But then he realizes he’s gone too far when someone accidentally bumps into Rei, and Rin’s genius attempt at chivalry has him blurting out: “That guy bothering you? Let me at ‘em, I’ve got teeth like a, um, T-rex.”

Rei drops the 14 pound kettle bell he was holding with an audible clang that makes Rin wince. He pushes his glasses up and looks at Rin sternly. "Are you on drugs?"

Fuck, _busted_. The denial is reflexive on his tongue. “What the fuck, no!” Rin sputters, complete with a dramatic hands-flail show of indignity. “I was being protective, why would you even think that?!"

Rei looks down, looking sincerely contrite, and Rin immediately feels ashamed for his deception. “Sorry," Rei says quietly. "You’re just acting... strangely.”

Strange is an understatement. Rin bites back the urge to give up and confess to the tomfoolery he's willingly engaged in, as he racks his brain for a suitably vague but satisfactory response to save face. Thankfully, he isn’t one of the top 10 students in the year for nothing, and he doesn't take too long. "Well, I was just getting around to asking if you’re up for a real date.”

Rei’s face immediately softens at this. “A date?” he asks, that one word seemingly overriding the fact that Rin’s answer is total bullshit.

“Yeah. There’s this new continental restaurant overlooking the ocean that just opened up, “Rin says smoothly, throwing a begrudging mental thanks to Sousuke who gave him that suggestion in the first place. “When I saw it, I knew I had to take you there.”

It works. Rei beams, like Rin recited an ode to his magnificence and showered him in glittering butterflies, and Rin immediately feels slightly mollified.

“I… I’d really love that,” Rei says, looking almost shy, his cheeks flushed pink. “Thank you, I look forward to it.”

Rin grins back, hiding his relief with a gallant swing of his arm around Rei’s shoulders, leaning close to whisper in Rei’s ear. "Great,” he whispers, hoping he at least sounds suave, even if he’s mentally beating himself up for the downward spiral this whole anchoring excursion went to.  “Let’s meet at the train station around sex PM.” _Fuck._ “I mean _six_. Six PM. That work out for you?”

Rei nods enthusiastically, and squeezes Rin’s hand. “Yes!”

Rin breathes a sigh of relief, and reluctantly removes his arm around Rei so they can both go back to their individual exercises. Rei throws him one last blushing smile before turning around and bending over again to pick up his kettlebell, the round globes of his ass straining majestically against those should-be-illegal track shorts.

Rin bites down the appreciative sigh forming somewhere between his throat and his diaphragm, and encouraged by his groin. At least, for now, everything is once more alright with the world.

*

“Mikoshiba’s advice sucks and it didn’t work, and now I have to take Rei out to a fancy dinner,” Rin announces, emphasizing his displeasure by slamming his books on his desk.

It’s a testament to how long Sousuke’s been putting up with Rin’s temper tantrums that he doesn’t even flinch. Instead, he puts his pen down, and calmly looks up from his math homework. “I don’t know, I did some research and apparently, anchoring is a real thing. It’s your execution that sucks.”

Rin throws a paper clip at him. “You’re the one who sent those suggestions!”

“I was trying to help,” Sousuke retorts. “Besides, English isn’t exactly my best subject, as you very well know.”

Rin scowls but Sousuke isn’t wrong; he did support Rin throughout his ham-fisted plan like a true best friend would, even if it backfired spectacularly. This was all on Rin, and his decision to actually take his captain’s advice, instead of dumping it on the garbage bin in his mind.

He flings himself on the bottom bunk of his bed, and throws an arm over his eyes. “So what do I do now?”

“I don’t understand why you can’t just _ask_ him.”

“I can’t just do that Sousuke, it has to be something that will come from Rei,” Rin explains. “I want him to realize on his own that he wants to you know, do me too.”

Sousuke goes back to his homework. “Okay, well maybe you should ask the help of your Iwatobi friends, since they’re the ones who hang out with Ryuugazaki the most,” he suggests, as he types in some equation on his calculator. “Aren’t Nanase and Tachibana an item?”

Rin scowls and hugs his pillow to his chest. “It’s hard to compare our relationship to theirs—Makoto and Haru just… happened. Not that anyone's surprised considering they've been together since they were zygotes.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense.”

“It’s called a hyperbole okay, god Sousuke, can you stop being a jerk for once?"

Sousuke makes a tutting sound, unappreciative of Rin’s bitchiness as always, but accepting of it all the same, as he writes down some answers on his notebook. "Alright fine,” he says, turning towards Rin, tapping his chin with his pen. “How about the other one? The bubbly blonde one who’s always hanging around Ryuugazaki?”

This makes Rin sit up straight. “Nagisa?” he scoffs. “You want me to seek love advice from _Nagisa_?”

“Yes?” Sousuke’s brow furrows, because he’s clearly under the impression that Nagisa’s some adorable, hyperactive cherub who radiates innocence from his every pore. "Why not him?"

Someday, Rin is going to let Sousuke get to know Nagisa first hand, because Nagisa is just that kind of acquired taste one has to experience to understand fully.  “First of all, he’s Rei’s best friend, and whatever info I give him, Rei will immediately know within the next hour,” he answers. “Second of all, asking love advice from Nagisa is like asking Makoto for horror movie recommendations or asking you for directions. No offense.”

“That was _one_ time.”

“You almost made my mom drive into a lake!”

Sousuke scowls and looks away, embarrassed. “Well how about Gou, then?”

“Are you kidding me, I am not informing my sister that I’m trying to get into her team treasurer’s pants. I’ll never hear the end of it!”

“Well you have to pick one of them, because clearly, they’ll be a lot more useful than I am,” Sousuke retorts, with an air of finality before going back to his homework. “Excuse me for a bit, I just need to finish this problem.”

Rin places his hands behind his head as he stares at the bottom of Sousuke’s bunk, the sounds of pen scratching on paper serving as background noise to his thoughts. To be quite honest, he really doesn’t want to blatantly _ask_ for advice but Mikoshiba got the ball running so he might as well go for broke.

Besides, Sousuke’s right, the best help will probably come from someone in Iwatobi. The logical choice would be Makoto because he is probably the most normal person Rin knows, which tells a lot about the kind of company he keeps. Of course, knowing Makoto, he’d blush and sputter and use all kinds of non-descript euphemisms because he’s an overgrown, conservative teddy bear who only says half of what’s on his mind, and it’s the polite, PG half. 

He’ll eventually give Rin answers though, because Makoto’s instinct to help people overrides his aversion to crude discussion topics, but it may take a while. Rin wonders if he can get away with spiking Makoto’s juice box. Nagisa would help him for sure, but Haru would probably punch him in the groin if he finds out.

His phone vibrates, heralding a new message, and when Rin checks, lo and behold, it’s from Makoto.

> **T. MAKOTO:** Hi Rin, Haru and I are going to have a huge English Exam on Thursday, and I was wondering if you could help us study after joint practice tomorrow? I mean, if you’re not too busy. ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

Rin grins. Well, at least his luck seems to be changing. This couldn’t have come at a better time. Sousuke’s going to the clinic again tomorrow, and Gou insists on coming with him. And with Rei going to his optometrist with Nagisa, this means that that Rin will be able to get Haru and Makoto all to himself without anyone’s interference.

He quickly types in his response:

> **M: RIN:** Sure, no problem, just bring your notes. See you tomorrow!

“Well it looks like I’m taking your advice after all,” he says, as he presses send, and shows Sousuke the screen. “Makoto’s coming over with Haru tomorrow.”

“Good,” Sousuke answers, before closing his math book with a foreboding smack, and turning his chair around to look at Rin. He’s wearing  _that_ face, his expression akin to a viper finding himself a nice juicy mouse, and making elaborate plans to play with it first before devouring it whole.

“So…” he says, in a tone foretelling excessive and relentless mockery in Rin’s immediate future, chin cradled in his big beefy hand. “ ‘ _I’ve got teeth like a T-Rex_ ,’ seriously?”

Rin groans out loud and raises his hand to give Sousuke a rather  _expressive_  single digit. 

He's got a _long_ afternoon ahead of him.

~tbc~


	2. Please Turn Me On, I'm Mister Coffee with an Automatic Drip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rin seeks advice from the rest of Iwatobi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new episode 14 trailer was pretty inspiring, so here you go. :) RinRei is so endearingly embarrassing, I love it. <3
> 
> Again, thanks to [attemptsonwords](http://archiveofourown.org/users/attemptsonwords) for making sure this fic is readable!

When Rin goes back to his dorm after swim practice the next day, the last person he expects to see in his room is Nagisa.

“Rin-chan!” he exclaims, putting back the Rubik’s cube (that Rin has just finished solving) on his desk. “You’re back!”

“What are you doing here?” Rin demands. “Aren’t you supposed to hang out with Rei?”

“I was,” Nagisa admits, biting his lip as he fiddles with the hem of his sweater, looking deeply saddened by his untimely change of plans. “But then Rei-chan found out that I absolutely _needed_ to study, and he insisted that I do _exactly_ that instead.”

“Is that so?” Rin answers dryly, putting one hand on his hip, because he is totally not buying this a single bit. “And what exactly do you need to study?”

“Oh, you know... school stuff,” Nagisa replies with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“School stuff,” Rin echoes.

“Yeah. And what a coincidence that Mako-chan and Haru-chan are also coming over here to do exactly that so I just tagged along!” Nagisa clasps his hands in front of his chest and cocks his head to the side, wearing a way too sweet smile that puts Rin’s bullshit senses on high alert. “You don’t mind, do you Rin-chan? It would be like old times.”

Rin narrows his eyes, and Nagisa just gazes back with that horribly hopeful look on his face, the one where his eyes are wide as wide can be, followed by a slightly scrunched up nose, and ending with a dejected tremble of his bottom lip. It very nearly throws Rin off-balance, because Nagisa is really good at this whole innocent lamb thing, and if Rin didn’t have the spinal fortitude of an armoured bull rhino, he’d be caving in faster than one can say “psyche!”

Rin is well aware of the fact that Nagisa has recently started getting more serious about his grades, a development that Rei has gotten teary-eyed countless times over, which opens up the benefit of the doubt. Be that as it may however, Nagisa’s still as far removed from the concept of ditching his best friend in favour of random unspecified academic whims, as Sousuke is from correctly navigating maps.

“Do you even know what we’re going to study?” Rin hedges, not breaking the stand-off.

“English,” Nagisa answers promptly. “Right Mako-chan?”

Rin whirls around and sees Makoto by the door, carrying drinks and snacks (because he totally would), with Haru at his side. Dammit, what is it with people ninjaing behind him unannounced lately?

“Yeah, English,” Makoto answers before turning his signature crinkly-eyed sunbeams smile at Rin, and thrusting the bag in his direction. “Thank you so much for accommodating us Rin. I brought snacks!”

Rin peeks inside and sees a huge plastic container of Yakisoba, which brightens his spirits up a little. “Thanks Makoto,” he says, stepping aside to let them in. “Come on in, make yourselves feel at home.”

Haru nods at him in his typical manner of non-verbal acknowledgement before proceeding to do exactly that, striding straight into Rin’s bed like he owns the place. Makoto closes the door behind him and sits on the floor next to Haru, leaning back against Rin’s bunk. Nagisa seems to take this as a sign of Rin’s acquiescence and without further ado, drags Sousuke’s desk chair noisily across the floor and proceeds to sit on it backwards, straddling it like a motorbike, and placing his book haphazardly on Sousuke’s desk.

Rin eyes the titles of Nagisa’s book critically. “If you know we’re studying English, why did you bring a biology textbook?”

Nagisa doesn’t even blink. “English is way more interesting than biology!” he answers, like that explains anything.

“No it’s not, I love biology!” Makoto pipes up, his brow furrowing. “English is so confusing.”

Haru nods in savage agreement. “I hate irregular verbs.”

"But English is actually useful! Biology's only good for coming up with creative insults,” Nagisa argues, sticking his tongue out at them. “Like…” He turns to the side, rapidly flipping pages of his textbook and rattles off: “Protozoan! Amoeba!” while pointing at Makoto and Haru respectively. Then he turns towards Rin, his eyes blazing with the same zest one might have upon discovering the cure for cancer, and dramatically whispers:

“Scintillate deficient spermatozoa!"

The room goes quiet. Haru looks bored (which isn’t surprising); Makoto’s looking at Nagisa with the exasperated look a mother gives her eternally troublesome child (also not surprising) and Nagisa just looks inordinately proud of himself for his clever choice of insult (least surprising of all.)

Rin’s mouth opens and closes a few times, as he wraps his mind around the primordial slur Nagisa has seen fit to bequeath to him. Finally, after a quick check from his stock knowledge of biology, he asks: “Did you just call me _radioactive sperm_?"

Nagisa actually looks taken aback. "You actually know what that means? HA. _Nerd._ "

Rin scowls. “No, you’re just an ignorant tool. Haru and Makoto know what that means too.”

“Actually I don’t…” Makoto pales at the sudden sourness on Rin’s face and hurriedly adds: “But now I do!”

Haru just smirks. “Nerd.”

Rin briefly considers kicking him and Nagisa out and monopolizing Makoto to himself, as is the ideal situation for his hidden agenda. But kicking Haru out would upset Makoto, and he’s going to do his sad, starving kitten face, the kind that makes Rin feel like the most joyless road scum on Earth, which would not be ideal, given the situation. Nagisa will be worse, and will probably take sweet revenge against Rin by doing something irreparably damaging to Rin’s blood pressure, like seeking out Momo’s company and convincing him to take Pyunsuke out for a walk in Rin’s underwear drawer. 

Speaking of hidden agenda though, Nagisa’s presence in their little gathering is still a giant question mark. Since Rin’s subtle attempt at fishing out Nagisa’s intentions clearly isn’t working, he decides to for the tried and tested method of cutting the bull.

“Nagisa, what are you _really_ doing here?”

Nagisa actually has the temerity to look at Rin like he’s the one being difficult. “Rin-chan, I’ll have you know that I have turned over a new leaf and I have started taking my studies seriously."

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I can’t believe you’re still questioning my motives,” Nagisa whines before flinging himself on the bed, rubbing his head on Haru’s ribs. “Rin-chan’s so mean, Haru-chan.”

“Stop being a jerk, Rin,” Haru chides, looking crossly at Rin while petting Nagisa’s hair.

Away from Haru and Makoto’s eyes, Nagisa briefly sticks out his tongue at Rin before resuming his attempt to burrow his head into Haru’s side. “I mean, alright fine, I was going to tell you about how Sou-chan—

“Sousuke is a lying liar who lies,” Rin viciously cuts in.

“—and Gou-chan were talking by the fountain earlier—”

Rin almost trips over himself as he leaps up from where he’s sitting on the floor. “He told Gou? That bastard, I told him specifically to keep Rei out of this—”

“—And Gou-chan was saying something about Sou-chan’s muscles, but never mind that, what about Rei-chan?” Nagisa hurriedly says, sitting up straight, the whine evaporating from his voice like vapour.

Rin has the sinking feeling that he’s been had. The pitying look on Makoto's face confirms it.

Haru’s eyes are actually sparking with interest. “Yes, Rin what about Rei?”

Haru and Nagisa are actually _ganging up on him._ Unacceptable. Rin bares his teeth at them, knowing his intimidation tactics are useless, but wanting to prominently inform them of his displeasure all the same.  “I really hate you both right now.”

Nagisa pouts. "But I just want to know what's going on with you Rin-chan. I mean, that's what friends do right?”

“You’re not my friend,” Rin snaps. “Friends don’t hijack their friends studying sessions and deceive their friends for personal gossip.” Then after a bit, he adds: “And they don’t call them radioactive sperm.”

Nagisa puffs up his cheeks in a way that makes him look like a completely spoiled but irresistibly cute blond gerbil. “You’re so mean, Rin-chan!” he sniffs, making a big show of standing up and looking devastated. “Fine, I think I’ll go make some new friends, maybe I can hang-out with Ai-chan and Momo-chan—”

Rin yanks him back by the scruff of his shirt. “What are you talking about, you’re one of my dearest childhood friends, stay here,” he grits out.

Nagisa grins happily and goes back to straddling Sousuke’s chair. Rin, totally resigned at this point, goes to sit down on the floor.

Makoto, who has remained silent all this time, is now looking at the three of them like they’ve gone collectively insane. "Um, so are we going to stu—"

“—Don’t give me advice,” Rin interrupts Makoto, glowering at Nagisa.

“I don’t even know what’s wrong, how can I give you advice?” Nagisa shoots back. Rin just stares back unamused until Nagisa smiles winningly and adds. “Can I guess though?”

Rin sighs. Somewhere along the way, Nagisa has lost sight of the concept of “not my fucking business," and there's very little anyone can do to stop him from getting his way in the end. Which is why Rin cuts his losses and folds his arms over his chest. “Fine. You have three. If you guess right, I’ll tell you, but if not, that’s it, conversation over. ”

Nagisa claps his hands, delighted. “Hmmm… he told you your shark teeth are not beautiful."

“No.”

"He found out you use the same soap for your face and body and called you a barbarian?" Nagisa tries again.

"What the fuck—no!” Rin snaps, deeply offended at this false accusation of his less than stellar hygiene. “Who the hell uses the same soap for their face and body?”

Makoto coughs delicately, and hunches his shoulders, casting his gaze on the floor, looking ashamed.

Rin immediately feels guilty. “Uh I mean…”

“You just called Mako-chan a barbarian,” Nagisa says solemnly, eyebrows scrunched together in exaggerated disapproval. “You big mean radioactive sperm.”

“Stop calling me that! And I didn’t call Makoto a barbarian, what the hell.”

“You might as well have! It was just a random guess but you looked so insulted—”

“—It’s your fault for making such a stupid guess in the first place!”

“Well, if you could just tell me what the issue is instead of making me run through hoops, we wouldn’t have this problem!”

“Nice try, but no,” Rin vetoes firmly. “You have one last guess.”

“You haven’t had sex yet.”

That last one was from Haru and the resulting scandalized looks on both of Nagisa and Makoto’s faces is almost enough to out the automatic “no” at the tip of Rin’s tongue.

Unfortunately, he’s always been a shitty liar, so he lets the surge of blood that is surely evident on his cheeks answer for him.

“No way,” Nagisa whispers, still looking hilariously dumbfounded, which is saying something, since it’s hard to shock Nagisa without resorting to drastic measures like outlawing desserts. Or using a taser.

But well, Haru has always been an exception to many things because he’s a special snowflake that way.

Makoto recovers first. “There’s nothing wrong with that Rin,” he says kindly, reaching out to pat Rin's knee. "You don't have to force yourself if you're not ready."

"I don't think that's his issue Mako-chan," Nagisa says, recovering from his shock, shit-eating grin slowly taking over his face.

"You want to, don't you Rin?" Haru adds.

"What kind of stupid question is that?" Rin replies in lieu of saying yes, his face already a hot red mess. “I just need to find the right time that's all. And do the right stuff to set the mood.”

“Rei-chan is attracted to intellect," Nagisa quips. "You should tell him really nerdy pick-up lines like… hmm…  ‘You make me harder than a uh, quadratic equation.'’”

“That’s stupid,” Rin scoffs. “Besides, are you kidding me, quadratic equations are _easy._ "

“Heh, easy as you?”

“What a crafty, original reply, my ego is seriously crushed.”

"I don't understand why you need to _say_ anything," Haru cuts in, before Nagisa can rise to the bait and shoot back a much more ego-withering repartee. “What does talking accomplish that making out doesn’t?”

Rin pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. What was he thinking, assuming these two would actually say something _useful._ “Look, it only occurred to me now to take it to that level okay?” he answers impatiently. “And I want him to realize this same need on his own, without me having to spell it out. That way, I won’t put any pressure on him.”

"So you just want to put him in the mood pre-emptively?" Haru clarifies.

“Kind of, yeah."

Haru shrugs and leans back against the bed. "Makoto is always in a receptive mood whenever I tell him his back is really sexy," he says, in the same tone of voice one would use to tell the time.

Rin blinks at this freshly volunteered information, looks at Makoto's rapidly reddening face and then turns to Nagisa. "Wow, and you say _I'm_ easy!?"

Makoto covers his face with his hands. “I’m not! We don’t do… you know, just because of _that_. I mean...”

Haru picks up on Makoto’s discomfort and pipes up. “Of course it’s not that easy. You need to be _specific_ in your compliments.”

“Specific huh?" Rin glances at Makoto, noting the apprehensive look on the other boy’s face before leaning forward, propping his chin up with his hand. "Tell me then, what’s the most specific compliment you gave that got a lasting impression on Makoto?”

Haru pauses, and Makoto looks at him cautiously as if trying to guess what he’s about to say.

"There was a time,” Haru starts slowly. Nagisa scoots his chair a little closer and Rin follows. "When I was about to give Makoto a blowjob..."

Makoto cautious smile transforms into a horrified mask of intense panic. "Haru no—"

"—And I just stopped to look at it—"

"—STOP OHMYGOD—"'

"—And told him that his penis was really pretty—“

“—HARU STO—OW! RIN!”

“— and I wanted to put a flower crown around it."

"OHMYGOD HARUUUUU."

Nagisa is laughing so hard, it’s a miracle he hasn’t busted a crucial internal organ yet.

"What? It's true,” Haru says, shrugging. “And we finally got over it long enough to have sex. The end. Rin, get off him."

Rin grins, and rolls off Makoto, jabbing him in the ribs. “Flower crown? Now I’m curious.”

“Please don’t be,” Makoto pleads, his voice sounding like he sat on something sharp, because Rin accidentally elbowed him in the solar plexus when he tackled him earlier.

“Yeah,” Haru pipes up, glaring a little at Rin. “For my eyes only.”

“You can’t tell me he has a flower-crown worthy penis without letting me see,” Rin argues. “That’s like saying you’re eating a really good burger and not telling me what’s in it.” He throws a pencil at Haru, which bounces off his shoulder harmlessly. “It’s a breach of ethics in ten different countries.”

“You made that up,” Haru replies, sounding accusatory, and throws an eraser at him. “And you can’t see it, nope.” He scoots over towards Makoto, forces his legs apart and sits in between them, guarding his boyfriend’s prime cuts like an overzealous mother dragon protecting her eggs.

“Stingy,” Rin complains, and nudges Makoto. “I’ll guess I just have to catch you in the showers while Haru’s still swimming one of these days.”

Makoto buries his nose on Haru’s nape and whimpers piteously while Haru’s glower turns up to max volume.

“Haru-chan don’t be greedy,” Nagisa chides. “Ever hear of look but don’t touch?”

“I just wanted to study English, why is this happening to me,” Makoto sniffles into Haru’s hair.

Haru pats his arm and fixes both Nagisa and Rin a stern look. “This discussion is over,” he announces, conveniently ignoring Nagisa’s last question. “Let’s start studying, Rin.”

“Okay okay, just one last thing Haru-chan,” Nagisa says, turning towards Rin. “So Rin-chan, are you going to try Haru-chan’s advice?”

“You mean compliment Rei’s dick?” Rin says, frowning. “We haven’t gone that far yet, I can’t exactly go complimenting something I haven’t seen.”

Nagisa casts Rin a look of utter exasperation. “You know Rin-chan, Rei-chan has other body parts; you don’t have to focus on the sight you’ve never seen before.”

“Yes, he has amazingly sculpted legs,” Makoto offers, looking relieved to have the focus finally shifted to someone else.

Rin grins smugly, like he always does whenever other people finally see the light and recognize how fine his nerd of a boyfriend is.

Haru, on the other hand, looks at his thighs like they personally let him down, before scowling and looking up. “He has a toned butt too," he adds, sounding determined not to be outdone.

Rin stops being amused,  his eyes narrowing. “Did you just admit to ogling my boyfriend’s ass?’” he growls, because legs are one thing, and delicate body parts reserved for Rin are another.

Haru rolls his eyes, and leans back against Makoto. “It’s kind of unavoidable because I’m the last leg of the relay."

Rin rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "Right."

The room is quiet for all of three seconds, before Makoto finally peeks out from his close-up view of the back of Haru’s head. "Can we please start studying now?" he pleads.

Nagisa opens his mouth, no doubt endeavouring to extend the current topic, but in a rare show of defiance, Makoto puts his foot down and pulls out the starving kitten face.

Suffice it to say, Rin finds himself explaining irregular verbs shortly after.

*

It’s afternoon on a Friday and instead of going out and having fun like regular teenagers, Rei is currently in Rin's dorm, studying, because they're this rare breed of students who personally ensure that they accomplish all their school work on Fridays so as to leave the entire weekend free.

“Nagisa called me a scintillate deficient flagellate yesterday,” Rin brings up, apropos of nothing, as he highlights a text on his Japanese literature textbook.

Rei pauses from his biology homework to glance at Rin. “I would normally ask why, but I don’t really want to know what kind of discussion you’ve engaged in to merit Nagisa calling you radioactive sperm.”

Rin puts his book back down on the desk, eyes bright with relief. “See, you know what it is too!”

“Of course I know what it is,” Rei says, like he couldn't believe Rin would actually think otherwise.

“Yeah well, Nagisa called me a nerd because of it.”

Rei pats Rin’s arm sympathetically. “I’ve recently learned not to leave Nagisa unattended with books filled with words that contain more than three syllables.”

Rin’s eyes rake over the strong solid weight of Rei’s hand on his arm, following the corded muscles of his forearms before drawing his gaze over the cuts of his biceps and deltoids. Damn, his boyfriend is _built_. He realized this long ago, but it’s always a pleasant feeling to be reminded of it, especially in fleeting, insignificant moments like this one.

Speaking of Rei’s splendid assets  though, his mind wanders back to his discussion with the rest of the Iwatobi crew, and realizes that this moment would be a wonderful opportunity. He takes a quick glance at the clock, noting that he has at least an hour before Rei needs to go to catch the trains back, before subtly shifting closer to Rei, making their thighs touch.

“Hey Rei?” Rin says before his courage can flee.

“Yes?”

Rin delicately places a hand on Rei’s knee. “Have I ever told you that you have…  really nice legs?”

He nearly slaps himself with how pitiful that attempt was, but hey, mistakes are part of the learning process so Rin decides not to save face anymore, and sticks to the mediocre game starter.

Instead of the blushing and stammering Rin is going for however, Rei just beams proudly. “Why thank you! Makoto-senpai has always said they’re beautiful.”

 _Goddammit Makoto, stop flirting with my boyfriend_ , Rin thinks crossly. “Well it’s not only your legs that are beautiful,” he tries again.

“Really?" Rei leans closer, extremely interested in what else Rin has to say.

“Your um… “ Rin can hear Haru’s voice urgently telling him to compliment Rin’s butt (which is pretty much one of the last things he ever expected to hear inside his head) but for some reason, he just can’t push through with it. “Your... glutes.”

Rei looks delighted, and was that a slight blush on his cheeks? Rin feels a little more confident now “My buttocks?” Rei clarifies.

“Yes!” Rin blurts out, relieved that Rei actually said it out loud. “Your buttocks. Exactly. It’s um, very… uh... nice.”

 _What the fuck was that?!_ Rin feels his inner demons laughing at him because that's the second time he used that word in the space of one minute; so much for making Rei succumb to his aura of smooth. 'Nice' should be banned from the lexicon of compliments, seriously.

 _Be specific,_ Haru said. _Don’t use generic descriptions_. Of course, this only reminds Rin of the fact that Haru wants to put a flower crown on Makoto’s pretty penis. He is now thinking of how to complement his boyfriend’s butt while using Makoto’s dick as a reference, what kind of heinous crime did he commit in his past life to deserve this.

“Not just nice,” he hurriedly adds. “ It’s uh…”

“Yes?”

“Your butt, it has... um..." _Don't use nice, use at least a three-syllable word, come on, you can do this,_ "...dangerous curves." _Ohmygod ‘dangerous curves?’ what the fuck was that, a road sign, dammit Matsuoka you’re better than this._ "I meant _delectable_ curves,” he hurriedly corrects himself. “Like uh, pound cakes!"

Pound cakes are nicely shaped like rounded loaf buns and extremely tasty, if Nagisa is to be believed, and it’s the perfect compliment. So why is Rei looking at Rin like he just insulted his mother?

“… What did you say my buttocks are like?”

“… Like pound cakes? You know?”  He makes a vague gesture with his hands, hoping to come up with a shape that represents a nice, round squeezable bottom.

It seems to have the opposite effect because Rei just looks even more affronted. “So you’re saying I have an unsightly, gelatinous posterior?”

“What? No! Pound cakes are round and delicious!”

Rei looks like he’s going to cry. Rin has the sinking feeling that something has gone very wrong but he can’t quite figure it out for the life of him, and before he could even begin to explain himself, Rei stands up quickly and starts shoving his books inside his bag.

“I suddenly remembered I have an appointment with Sera-senpai,” he says stiffly.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Rin is still too shocked at how badly he fucked up to stand up. “What, what did I do?”

Rei looks away, and did Rin just hear him sniffing? “I suggest you look up pound cakes on the internet,” he says, before bolting out.

“Rei wait!”

He’s answered by the bang of the door. Rin just stares at it, his mind not quite catching up to what just happened, trying to figure out just where the hell he went wrong. He gets his bearings a few moments afterwards and leaps up to chase after him, only to slam into Sousuke as soon as he opens the door.

"Your boyfriend looked really upset," Sousuke informs him, while Rin recovers from running into the brick wall that is his best friend's rock-hard man boobs. "Do you really suck that much?"

"We didn't have sex you asshole, we were studying!" Rin retorts, trying to step around him. "Let me pass, I need to go after him!"

Sousuke frowns, looking upset, and doesn't budge from where he's standing. "Are you saying I took my usual 2 hour nap in the library instead of the comfort of my own bed because you two were _studying_?"

Rin seriously doesn't want to launch into another tirade about his best friend's personal investment in his sex life, not when Rei is out there getting farther and farther away from him as they speak, but before he can try to shove Sousuke off again, his phone rings, and Nagisa’s name flashes across the screen.

“Rin-chan,” he starts as soon as Rin answers, and Rin actually swallows, fear making his knees shake, because no sweet voice has ever sounded more like the depths of hell itself. “ _What_ did you do?”

*

The next morning, Rin checks around the corner before heading down the street leading to Haru and Makoto’s houses. Upon ascertaining that Nagisa is nowhere near the premises, he climbs up the stairs, sprints towards Haru's door and jams his finger on the buzzer.

Haru opens the front door, looking like he just rolled out of bed. He takes one look at Rin and says, “Let me guess, you fucked up.”

“Minor setback,” Rin replies, with all the breeziness his decimated ego can muster at 8 in the morning. “Is Makoto here?”

“He’s in the dining room. We’re a bit tied up at the moment – can you come back later?”

“I’m sure you could spare a couple of minutes Haru, this is important.”

“Rin, we’re having breakfast.”

“I promise this will only take a few minutes. I’m sure he’ll listen to me.” Rin says and pushes past him towards the dining room.

“Rin wait—“

“—Makoto I need your help!” Rin calls out as he purposefully strides into the kitchen....

“Mmppphiiin mphhoohmy gphod”

… and strides right the fuck out.

Haru just stares at him, looking cross. “I told you, he’s tied up.“

“I didn’t think you’d mean _literally_!” Rin yells, feeling his face enter through all the shades of the colour spectrum. How can he ever look Makoto in the eye again, who the fuck knew the most vanilla person he knows is into some kinky rocky road shit. “Dammit Haru, it’s 8:30 in the morning, it’s too early for this.”

“I wanted to do it in the sunshine. Which you said was romantic.”

“That’s romantic. This is… “

“An improvement of your suggestion.”

“MPPHANT MPHEMWAN MPHEE MEEE?”

“Yes, we can see you Makoto,” Haru says. He throws Rin one last glare before leaning against the refrigerator, arms crossed. “Well anyway Rin, you’re here, go ask him what you want.”

 _Is that a fucking green ribbon tied around  Makoto’s d—okay wow, thanks a lot Haru for ruining the concept of breakfast forever you inconsiderate horny bastard._ “Can you uh, cover the uh... um,” Rin makes a vague pumping motion with his hand which he hopes manages to convey his totally reasonable desire to not lay his eyes on Makoto Jr. He would have definitely preferred to speak to Makoto without the elaborate shibari accoutrements on his person, but he came all the way here for advice, so might as well get it. 

Haru, sensing his request, rolls his eyes and throws his apron to cover Makoto’s nudity.

“Mmmpphh mmpphur.”

“Shouldn’t you be removing the gag from his mouth?”

“It can stay,” Haru answers, and Rin vehemently tries not to think about what this means for Makoto. “I’ll translate for you. What do you want to ask him anyway?”

Rin knows these two have some sort of telepathic means of communication but this is _ridiculous._ Still, might as well take the opportunity while Haru's being generous.

“I'm taking Rei out later for dinner, do you have any tips on the whole ‘getting him in the mood’ issue?" he asks, keeping his eyes firmly on the cool steel of the kitchen sink. "I’m counting on you to give me something sensible Makoto.” It’s a weird thing to be asking this of someone elaborately tied up in cotton rope, but hey, it’s not exactly irrelevant to the subject matter.

“Mmphhj mphhh…” Makoto continues his explanation despite the gag, while Haru listens with rapt attention, occasionally glancing at Rin as he translates.

“He says you need to make him feel special on your date... Show him you like his choices and strive to emulate them. Like… by ordering food he also likes.”

Rin gapes at both of them. “How can you have possibly deduced those things from that?”

Haru shrugs and turns to Makoto. “Makoto, nod if that’s what you said.”

Makoto nods.

Rin shakes his head. “You two are fucking unbelievable.”

“Well we’d be fucking unbelievably, if you didn’t interrupt,” Haru mutters.

Rin scowls and looks away. “Wow, rude. I’m just trying to ask for advice.”

“Mmpheet mph mmphoo mpphey mphhife, phebenn meef mphor mphot mphon phof pheet...”

“Eat the food they like,” Haru translates. “Even if you’re not fond of it...” His voice trails off and he turns towards Makoto, looking betrayed. “Does this mean you’re getting sick of mackerel?”

Rin takes one look at the guilt on Makoto’s face and instantly decides that yep, he’s heard all he needs to hear, and nope, he doesn’t want to stick around for this. “Well, that’s my cue to leave, thanks Makoto.”

“MMPPHHHINN MPHNOOOW.”

Rin throws Makoto an apologetic look which he hopes to impart the message: “Only one of us can be the object of Haru’s sulking wrath at any given time and now I nominate you on account of you not being me.”

Makoto seems to understand at the very least— hey this telepathy thing IS useful, and does his version of a glare, which on its own would be potentially lethal, but with a gag and a rope harness just makes him look like a cute muzzled puppy whining inside a box.

With that, Rin quietly backs out across the living room, and into the foyer and prays for scar tissue to form over this section of his memories soon. 

Just as when he’s about to slide the door open, Haru comes up behind him. “I need to lock the door behind you,” he explains as Rin steps out.

Rin stands awkwardly for a few seconds, wondering what sort of parting words he should say. “Well uh, it’s been… enlightening” is at the tip of his tongue but surprisingly, it’s Haru who speaks up first.

“It’s pretty right?”

Rin actually takes three seconds to figure out what Haru’s talking about and promptly feels his mind’s eye burn anew. “Yeah pretty _humongous_ ,” he retorts. “How do you even walk when you take that up the ass?”

Haru blinks at him. “I don’t,” he says bluntly, before shutting the door in his face.

Well, that answers _that_ question.

*

After lunch that day, Rin receives a phone call from Makoto.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Makoto says by way of greeting, and Rin tries not to think about how Makoto's normally chipper voice is so hoarse and wrecked because that way lies madness.

“Damn right you should be sorry. Flower crowns and breakfast have been ruined for me forever, I hope you realize that," Rin retorts. "Expect my therapy bills in your mail next month.”

Rin can practically hear the wince in Makoto’s tone. “I’m really sorry Rin. That was Haru’s idea, he’s very artistic and um, good with his fingers—“

Rin groans. “Yeah okay, I don’t need to know that. In fact, there are many things I know about you now that would’ve been happy not knowing.”

“I’m sorry okay,” Makoto says sounding miserable.

Rin sighs. It’s not as if he’s legitimately mad at Makoto – as a matter of fact, he doesn’t know _how_ to be mad at Makoto, it’s like getting mad at a basket of bunnies so Rin lets it slide. Besides, it’s not Makoto’s fault his boyfriend is a hormonal freak. “Okay apology accepted. At least now I don’t have to surreptitiously catch you in the showers. Haru actually asked me if I thought it was pretty you know."

"... Did he now?" Makoto's tone is tight, supremely uncomfortable and Rin grins, deciding to tease Makoto a bit more.

“Yeah. You know, I bet a flower crown would look better than green ribbons, just saying."

Makoto groans. “You’re never going to ever let me live that down are you?”

“No dude, I’m the one scarred for life here.”

“And you think I’m not?!”

“Unless Haru accidentally got some oil on you while he’s frying mackerel then no. Also, I am going to pretend that that was cow’s milk I saw on your chest.”

“It was milk. He was really going to have breakfast. With um, actual food.”

“Ohmygod stop. Just stop. If you want me to keep respecting you, please stop."

“You’re the one who keeps bringing it up!”

"Well you're the one volunteering unnecessary info!" Rin retorts. "Tch. Well anyway, at least I know who between the two of you could give tips in taking it up the ass."

“Oh, well it’s important to clean very thoroughly before hand and also to use a condom--“

“Not now, Makoto, save that for Rei," Rin interrupts before Makoto can launch into his speech about clean safe sex and the perils of venereal diseases.

“Really?” Makoto’s voice takes on an uncertain tone, though he quickly adds: “I mean, sure no problem!" A pause. "That’s... That's awfully nice of you."

Rin shrugs, even if Makoto can’t see it. It’s no big deal really, of course he’d be concerned about his boyfriend’s well-being. It’s good to know that Makoto will support Rei all the way. "Yeah. So anyway, are you _really_ getting sick of mackerel?"

“Kinda, but I put up with it because Haru wants me to. It sounds weird, but it's makes him feel good that I like one of the things he's most passionate about."

“That’s weird as fuck but okay, it's you and I believe you. So I should just eat something that Rei approves of?” The idea sounds silly in his head, but hey, if it apparently works on Haru, it might just work on Rei. Maybe Rei will get so impressed by Rin’s newfound healthy eating habits, he’d be amenable to a less healthy but palatably pleasurable after-dinner dessert in the _Rin’s boudoir_ section of _Chez Matsuoka_. Sweet endings for a perfect date and all that jazz. “That’s… that’s not so bad."

"Yeah, something like that. Anyway Rin, I gotta go, the twins need me. Good luck with Rei!"

"Thanks. Bye Makoto." Rin ends the call and immediately scrolls through his text messaging to get Rei's number. Even though he technically didn't do anything wrong, Rin knows that he needs to be the bigger person and make the necessary apologies to smoothen out this snafu, if he wants to make this seduction project work.

> **M: RIN:** I'm sorry about yesterday. I was an insensitive tool, and that was not very beautiful.
> 
> **R. REI:** Apology accepted. I also realize I may have been too hasty with my escape; it did not occur to me that pound cakes had other variations, so for that, I'd like to apologize as well.
> 
> **M. RIN:** Well For the record, I was referring to the loaf one, not the bundt cake one okay? Anyway, that's done. We're still on for tonight right? It'll be my treat!
> 
> **R. REI:** Of course. I'm looking forward to it.
> 
> **M. RIN** : Good. I'll see you later then?
> 
> **R. REI:** Yes, see you Rin.

Rin breathes a sigh of relief as he tosses his phone into his bunk. He has Makoto's backing this time; there's no way this could go wrong.

Third time's the charm, after all.

-tbc-

 


	3. Love, the Kind You Clean Up With a Mop and Bucket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should warn you that if you're expecting hot smut... don't. I never actually intended to write smut for this fic but I realized it's kind of impossible, considering my premise. So yes, there is some smut, just not the scintillating variety. 
> 
> This update contains some SouGou at the end (written as a separate scene that isn't strictly necessary to the story, and was written out of my own personal indulgence) so if that's not your cup of tea, you can just skip it. If you do like SouGou though, please talk to me about them, I love this ship so much. T-T
> 
> As usual, thanks to my good friend [attemptsonwords](http://archiveofourown.org/users/attemptsonwords) for patiently beta-ing my stuff to make it readable to you guys.

Café West Royale is a cliff side continental restaurant overlooking the ocean, rustic and eccentric in many places, with mismatched wooden panels and incandescent lighting on the corners. The interior is lavishly decorated with paintings of birds and butterflies in quirky wooden frames, steampunk sculptures by the door and finishes off with furniture designed on the theory that more shades of purple is  better, which means it’s _perfect_ for Rei.

They’re now seated on the al fresco dining area on the balcony, providing them with a wonderful view of the gently rolling waves below. The moon is a beautiful silver crescent, and the skies are clear, showing a nice smattering of stars across the dark expanse of night. They have a nice summer breeze going on, pleasantly balmy, with a touch of warmth. And finally, to complete their romantic ambiance, a waiter in pinstripe trousers and waistcoat diligently stands by their side, awaiting their order.

Rin studies the menu in his hands and looks longingly at the surf and turf section filled with the kind of meaty protein indulgences he would have probably ordered at this point if it not for Makoto’s voice in his head telling him to give Rei’s choice of healthy green eating a chance right where he can see it. Which happens to be right here and right now.

It’s a task easier said than done. There’s a very specific set of things that Nagisa and Rin unanimously agree on, and one of them is that Rei’s choice of bento contents are irredeemably unpalatable for creatures that aren’t herbivores. Rin hadn’t really believed that Rei subjects himself to this kind of diet on purpose, until Nagisa texted him a picture of Rei’s so-called “beautiful bento,” an impressive display of rice, multi-coloured vegetables, steamed tofu…and nothing else.

Rin took one look at it and almost cried into his hamburger steak. Sousuke still makes fun of him about that sometimes.

 _The things I do for my hormones,_ Rin sighs internally, and calls over the waiter for his order. “I’ll have the veggie burger,” he says, trying not to grit his teeth.

Rei’s head snaps up from his own menu as if he couldn’t believe it.

“You said I should try vegetables more often right?” Rin mumbles.

Rei’s surprise slowly gives way to absolute delight. “Yes! I’m extremely pleased that you are making an effort to include more greens in your diet,” he answers with such enthusiasm, it actually makes Rin feel a little better about his noble dietary sacrifice. “Of course, this is our date, so please make sure your attempt to experiment with food is enjoyable for you as well.”

Rin looks up hopefully. “Really?”

“Absolutely! Perhaps you’d like to add garnish to your soy burger? I heard that Dijon mustard or guacamole and salsa—“

“—Can you add two servings of extra hot chili con carne, gruyere cheese and bacon to that burger?” Rin says to the waiter. “Thanks!”

When he turns back to his date, Rei is staring at him.

Rin raises an eyebrow. “What?”

Rei’s lips are pursed into the kind of expression reserved for sightings of ugly furniture. “That is not a healthy burger.”

“What, of course it is!” Rin protests. Okay, so maybe he should’ve just asked for _one_ serving of chili con carne, but then again, tomatoes are one of its main ingredients, so having extras is nowhere near a _bad_ thing. “It’s a soy-mushroom patty with lettuce, tomatoes and pickles on a whole wheat sesame bun.”

“Lathered with double servings of chili con carne, cheese and bacon.”

“3 out of 7 ingredients, so if we’re going by majority rules, it’s a healthy meal.”

Rei just sighs and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Baby steps, I suppose,” he mutters, and gestures at the waiter, pointing at his menu. “I’ll have the grilled chicken breast with lemon herb dressing and brown rice pilaf. And one of these, please.”

“Very good sir, most highly recommended,” the waiter comments, jotting it down on his order pad. “How about drinks?”

“Cucumber apple shake for me,” Rei says.

Rin’s about to answer ‘bottomless iced tea’ but he figures his meal’s extras is enough indulgence for this particular endeavour. “Just water,” he answers after a beat.

The waiter nods and makes his leave, taking the menus with him.

Rin places his elbows on the table and leans forward. “What’s the other dish you got?”

Rei gives him a small prim smile. “You shall see.”

“It’s not salad is it?”

Rei chuckles lightly. “No.”

Satisfied, Rin leans back against his chair and takes the opportunity to appreciate Rei’s current ensemble. His boyfriend’s choice of garb is surprisingly subdued— a simple short-sleeved, navy blue button down, khakis, and brown leather dress shoes— the very definition of smart casual, and nothing less to be expected from Rei. Rin is pleased to see Rei wearing the pendant Rin gave him as a gift, the silver shark tooth peeking out from the deep vee created by Rei’s collar, where he left the top three buttons open.

“How was your day?” Rei asks when Rin spends too much time keeping quiet in favour of observing the finer details of Rei’s exposed décolletage.

Rin blinks and raises his eyes to meet Rei’s expectant ones. His mind flashes back to the mental image of Makoto and Haru’s sexy kitchen adventures, and immediately decides that Rei does not deserve to be inflicted with it. “Nothing much,” he lies. “Just helped Gou with her English homework. How about you?”

Rei seems to have been waiting for that question because his back straightens up, fingers pushing his glasses back. “I swam in Iwatobi SC today and I am pleased to report that I’ve made significant improvements in my backstroke! Makoto-senpai has been quite gracious about helping me improve my form-- I have actually succeeded in swimming in a straight line now!” he reports, his entire face lighting up as he recounts his swimming accomplishments.

Rin smiles and reminds himself to thank Makoto for his efforts. One of their regular topics in their captain meetings is how Rei can start improving on other swim strokes, and it would seem like Makoto’s keeping up his end of the bargain quite well. In fact, he can almost forgive him for the breakfast incident. Almost.

Five minutes later, both of their main courses arrive, along with their drinks. Rei’s meal is artfully set into a large purple plate, with a side of garden salad, while Rin’s burger is served in a square red plate, with a side of criss-cut fries sautéed in garlic-truffle oil.

Rin has to admit, the burger actually looks appetizing, and if Rin isn’t aware beforehand that the patty’s made of plants, he’d be salivating like Pavlov’s dog right now. He looks at Rei, who is watching him with a mix of curiosity and apprehension.

“May I?” he asks, just to be polite, lifting the burger halfway to his lips.

"Go ahead," Rei says, as he unfolds his napkin and sets it on his lap.

Rin takes a huge bite, and chews. The tomato-chili instantly heats up his palate in a thousand tiny capsaicin bursts, just the way he likes it. The bacon is just the right side of crunchy, and the combined sharpness of the cheese and spiciness of the chili effectively makes up for the otherwise dull taste of the veggie patty. _Good job, self_.

He sees Rei watching him closely as if expecting him to throw up, while calmly chewing on his own meal. Rin swallows his first bite before speaking. “Would you like to know how my burger tastes?”

“Ironic, I imagine,” Rei replies dryly.

Rin grins and licks his lips, tasting tomato and bacon grease. “The taste of irony is zesty and vaguely soy.”

Rei just slices another piece of chicken, and averts his gaze, as if disappointed that Rin actually ended up liking the palatably unbalanced monstrosity that is his dinner.

The waiter soon arrives with Rei’s last order. Rin blinks at the large serving dish the waiter puts on the centre of their table, surrounded by several slices of lemons, and a boat of spiced vinegar on the side. “You got us oysters?”

“They’re naturally high with lots of essential vitamins and minerals, especially protein, iron, omega-3 fatty acids, zinc and vitamin C,” Rei answers with a proud smile, as he places his utensils down on the table to get a piece. He gives Rin’s burger another doubtful look before putting his oyster on his plate. “Plus, it’s a classic dish for a romantic date.”

Rin wrinkles his nose. "I never understood why. I mean, they look like snot," he remarks carelessly, before taking one of his criss-cut fries and popping it into his mouth. His eyes close involuntarily as he chews, because holy shit, these fries taste _glorious_. Totally makes up for the veggie patty now. He grabs another one. And then another. And another.

Halfway into his blissful consumption of what has to be the most serious fries he has ever put in his mouth, it occurs to Rin that that may have been the wrong thing to say, when he catches Rei glaring at him like Rin just declared that he routinely kills butterflies for sport. "What an absolutely enticing description, truly you are the Picasso of words," he snaps, and Rin feels a twinge of guilt curl up in his gut, even if it baffles him that Rei is reacting so strongly to an off-hand, humorous remark.

The logical course of action is to apologize of course, but with Rin being Rin, what he actually ends up retorting is: "But it does? Seriously, look at it and tell me it’s beautiful, I dare you.”

Rei‘s eyes narrow. "At least it has more class than your fake vegetarian burger.”

Rin’s hand pauses halfway to his mouth and he slowly brings that particularly soggy fry back to his plate. “I ordered this vegetarian burger because I want to try out your healthy diet,” he replies calmly, drawing out his syllables, a trick he learned to help him avoid losing his temper. “Fuck, does the concept of bacon and cheese really offend your sensibilities that you’re giving me so much flak about it?”

Rei exhales slowly, a sure sign that he's bracing himself for an argument. “The issue is not the burger. It’s you cheapening my romantic gesture with your distasteful joke.”

“Romantic gesture?” Rin sputters. “I’m the one who asked you on a date in the first place!”

Rei just looks at Rin with a hopelessly befuddled look on his face and then shakes his head, jaw clenched. “Never mind. Let’s just accept that we have different standards about acceptable date behaviour. Thank you for the meal, I believe it’s time we indulge.” With that, Rei shoves a spoonful of rice and chicken in his mouth and chews, looking pointedly away.

Rin can’t believe this. He didn't think it was possible to fuck this up, but apparently his subconscious is keen on proving him wrong each time. It was just a casual remark-- maybe a little unclassy, but nothing particularly harmful-- it’s not as if he jokingly suggested that Rei was trying to give him salmonella or something. He knows as well as anyone that Rei has this monomania about finding beauty in everything but sorry, oysters are not beautiful unless they have a shiny physical irritation in the form of a pearl within their grey mouldy jaws. This entire situation is beyond ridiculous.

He stares at Rei, who is chewing his food with the enthusiasm of a man headed for the chopping block, feeling his own appetite slip away from him. He wants to yell or maybe spit out a snappy comeback, but between making a scene in the restaurant and shutting up and stewing quietly, the latter would be less of a pain to deal with.

So, the rest of their meal is spent in stiff silence. Rin keeps shoving fries in his mouth but it might as well be notebook paper for all the enjoyment he got out of it. He tries an oyster just to be a sport, and finds himself unable to stand the raw texture. He makes a token effort to hide it but Rei clearly noticed, and the hurt look on his eyes makes Rin feel so guilty, he ended up eating three more, though with copious amounts of spicy vinegar to mask the slimy taste.

When they get the bill, Rin almost swears out loud. “Why the hell do oysters cost this much— we live next to the damn ocean?!”

Rei glares back, but it’s the delicate kind of glower, one that is definitely more embarrassment than anger, and Rin immediately feels guilty again. “I’ll pay for the oysters. Stop complaining,” he mumbles, reaching for his wallet.

“No, don’t. I’ll handle it,” Rin says curtly, and slaps several bills on the black leather tab, resigning himself to mooching off Sousuke’s food for the rest of the week, and the waiter takes it away before Rei can do anything.

*

It has become distressingly apparent to Rin that the ‘romantic walk along the beach with intellectual bantering’ in his date agenda has morphed into something resembling more of an ‘irritable dragging of feet along wet sand while volleying snippy inflammatory remarks like a ping pong match.’

It is, in Rei’s words:

“That was absolutely _not_ beautiful at all.”

"Yes well, you’re the one who ordered the oysters.”

"Yes, which you decided to compare to unsightly nasal excretions,” Rei snaps back.

Rin pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. “Will you just say _snot;_ seriously, it won’t kill you to speak dirty words once in a while.”

Rei bristles, and the look he throws Rin’s way is nothing short of poisonous. “Okay fine. _Snot_. Because that's the kind of metaphorical brilliance you observe when I try to feed you appetizers that are reputed to inspire amorous intentions and--" Rei closes his mouth abruptly, and turns away, fists clenched beside him looking furious with himself.

Rin’s jaw drops, and he stops in his tracks, reflexively grabbing Rei’s wrist to stop him too. "Wait wait wait—time out. You _what_?"

Rei takes a deep breath and adjusts his glasses before turning to look somewhat guiltily at Rin, cheeks rapidly getting stained pink. "I find it difficult to believe that you would know what a scintillate deficient flagellate is, but not know that oysters are an aphrodisiac."

"You got them because they're an aphrodisiac?” Rin says incredulously. “I thought you got them because you wanted to get back at me for the burger!"

Rei looks genuinely shocked. “Why would I do that? We’re on a date in a beautiful restaurant, overlooking the ocean, and I wanted to speed things up a little since you have failed to pick up on my numerous attempts on seductive behaviour.”

Rin feels like his world just came to a crashing halt, and he blinks as he attempts to process this new information. “What do you mean-- why, what the hell have _you_ been doing?”

“Apart from the oysters? How about during our study sessions, I was encouraging you to pay attention to my buttocks and you had to interject with your unthinking remarks about comparing them to a gelatinous blob—“

“What no, I was trying to compliment your ass! “

“I thought you called me fat!”

“I was trying to call you tasty! And I thought we sorted that out already, come _on_.”

Rei makes an affronted noise and barrels on. "Fine. But there was that time at the gym, when I was showing you my quads, at an angle calculated for maximum curve exposure, and then you started spouting out nonsensical rubbish like ‘Flex your pecs like a T-Rex—’ "

“That was _not_ what I said!” Rin practically roars, inwardly horrified to find out that Rei actually noticed that particular bout of indiscretion. "I was trying to put the word sex in your brain, but no, you just call me _stoned_.”

“There’s no need because I already have sex on the brain!”

This outburst earns him some scandalized looks from an elderly couple and winks from several girls, though they’re nothing compared to whatever expression is all over Rin’s face right now. Rei's face is puce with humiliation, hands flying to his mouth like he's wishing himself to be struck mute indefinitely. Then before Rin can even react, Rei sprints away from him like a man possessed, which is pretty impressive, considering they’re on the beach, and Rei is wearing leather shoes.

“Rei! Wait!”

Running after Rei, who still has the track team lusting after his talents, is no easy task, but Rin manages to catch up to him near the docks, reaching out to grab his hand and make him whirl around. "You mean to tell me,” he says in between panting breaths, fingers clamped tight around Rei’s wrist, “…that if I just outright _asked_ you, we could have been fucking _two weeks ago_?”

Rei is visibly upset, his face all pink and splotchy, eyes watering behind his glasses. His voice cracks a little, despite the forced casualness of his tone. “It would appear so."

Rin stares at him for a long moment, too shocked and enraged to figure out what the hell to say next. He spent so much time, suffered through so much humiliation and mockery from his friends to make this date perfect, only to find out that Rei had been trying to do the same thing all along? What kind of bullshit cosmic joke is this?

Next to him, Rei scuffles his feet, gaze carefully averted, obviously feeling the same way as well. 

Rin is so high-strung and frustrated that he’s not even surprised when tears spring to his eyes and valiantly attempt to beat themselves out towards well-trodden paths down his cheeks. There has to be no less than twenty different emotions jockeying for position in his limited headspace, and Rin is too overwhelmed to decide which one to prioritize at the moment.

So they just spend the next twenty seconds looking at each other’s teary faces, quivering chins, bright red runny noses and then, like a dam breaking open...

...they both burst out laughing.

“Fuck, I can’t believe this just happened,” Rin gasps, too dazed with relief to care about looking like an obvious maniac.

“We’re both idiots,” Rei agrees, sniffing as he removes his glasses to wipe at his eyes.

So there they are, two grown-ass, exceptionally-built high school boys clutching at each other while laughing in the middle of the beach, with tears streaming down their cheeks. The few people milling about who bother to glance at them look like they’re torn between asking about their well-being or shiftily scurrying away in the opposite direction, but Rin doesn’t care about them. For the first time in this entire seduction production number, he’s finally come to a point of mutual understanding with Rei, even if it had to come about from the most absurd and shallow of developments.

When they finally finish laughing and crying – Rin proudly notices that he finished a full four seconds earlier than Rei-- Rin smiles and leads Rei towards one of the free-for-all bamboo beach huts and they sit on one side of the slatted benches, watching the moonlit waves crash on the shore.

“So,” Rin finally says, when the ocean sounds were no longer punctuated by random sniffling. “What happens now?”

Rei blows his nose on his handkerchief for one last time. “The logical conclusion would be to finally have sex.”

Rin scrubs the last of his tears away with the heel of his hand. “Yeah well, this is a really fantastic mood for it.”

“Well we can certainly try again?” Rei suggests, as he tucks his dirty handkerchief in the front pocket of his satchel and grabs a bottle of hand sanitizer, slathering his hand in it.

“Yeah okay,” Rin agrees. He takes a deep breath, filling his lungs with the salty tang of the sea breeze and exhales slowly, feeling the tension between them slowly draining away. From the corner of his eye, Rin sees Rei’s (freshly sanitized) hand lift, hesitate for only the shortest of seconds before moving to lay it over Rin’s. Rin flips his hand palm up at the last second, catching Rei’s fingers and fitting them between his.

They both blush, Rei probably for the tenth time tonight, and finally for a reason Rin doesn't feel guilty for. Rei's head is turned to the side, moonlight making his glasses momentarily opaque. Then he shifts, fixes his posture so that he's sitting up straight, and tilts his head to look at Rin directly, and it suddenly strikes Rin how much he has _missed_ this.

Rei squeezes his hand. “You first,” he says with a small smile.

That soft voice and even softer smile rapidly overwhelms Rin with a wave of giddiness so huge, he’d be pretty much forced to blind and mute anyone who sees his face right now. Well anyone who isn’t Rei at least. He clears his throat. “You know, you’re really hot even when you’re being a neurotic loser dork.”

Rei actually looks pleased about this. “And you are quite attractive even when you’re being a lousy flirt who uses embarrassing rhyming techniques.”

Rin scowls playfully, and scoots even closer to Rei, their thighs resting against each other. “You know, I don’t think the oysters are doing their job.”

And because this is Rei, he just squares his shoulders and turns his head to meet Rin head-on, their noses almost touching. “That’s fine, because I don’t need oysters.”

Rin laughs. “Wow, that is the weirdest romantic come-on I’ve ever heard.”

Rei gives him a rare lopsided grin. “Did it work?”

Rin flashes him his best smile, and in a display of affection he’ll never ever let Sousuke find out, quickly gives Rei a quick peck on the lips and says:  “Let’s go to my house and find out.”

*

Dinner mishaps notwithstanding, Rin prepared this date to the last detail, which means that he timed it so that Gou is sleeping over at her best friend’s place, his mother is in an out-of-town conference in Tokyo, and most importantly, it’s the day after laundry day, meaning his bed sheets are fresh and clean, lightly dusted with the ‘orchid allure’ scent of his mom’s favourite fabric conditioner. He even replaced all his clinical fluorescent light bulbs, with pale yellow lamp light as a final touch for the romantic ambiance he’s going for. Overkill? Not where Rei is involved. Tonight is _the_ night, and Rin wants it to be _perfect_.

So far that seems to be direction the night is headed. Rin watches with barely concealed excitement as Rei toes off his pants and hangs them over the back of Rin’s computer chair. Never had he ever imagined that watching his boyfriend hang clothes would be such a turn-on. Then again, it has probably less to do with the clothes folding than watching Rei undress— methodically, without hurry, like a sequential, domestic striptease. Rin’s always been used to taking off his clothes in record time— a side effect of always wanting to jump into the pool and whoop Haru’s ass in a race, so seeing Rei being careful with both his movements and his clothes is definitely a welcome change. Especially since it gives Rin ample time to appreciate the way Rei’s muscles flex with even the most mundane of movements, like slipping off a sleeve from his arm or folding his pants lengthwise so they won’t wrinkle. 

So it turns out that unintentionally sexy and compulsively neat is his bedroom aesthetic. It could be worse. At least it’s not kitchen bondage for breakfast.

After a brief moment of hesitation, Rei proceeds to remove his briefs, and if Rin’s dick wasn’t hard before, it definitely is now. He's not the type to exaggerate, but Rei’s body _is_ perfect. He’s not on the bulky side like Sousuke or Makoto, nor is he on the slender side like Haru and Nagisa— he’s a perfect balance between the two. Sort of like Rin himself.

Rei raises an eyebrow at Rin’s gratuitous ogling but Rin is beyond caring— this is his first time exercising this particular boyfriend privilege and like hell he’s going to miss any of this.

Rei places one knee on the mattress, and takes off his glasses. “Do we have everything we need?”

Rin snaps out of his daze and nods. “I’ve got everything I need right here,” he says with a confident grin, yanking Rei by the wrist.

Rei gives him a fond yet exasperated look, as he all but tumbles against Rin’s chest, and Rin’s grin turns sheepish. “Yeah yeah, I got us lube and condoms too, gimme a sec.” He scoots over towards the edge of the bed and paws around for his bag to fetch the items he cajoled Sousuke into buying for him.

Rei takes one look at the bottle Rin hands him, frowns, and promptly announces: “This lube is not beautiful.”

“This lube is going up an ass and beautiful is the last thing it needs to be,” Rin snaps back, affronted. Okay granted, he scrimped on the lube because the dinner budget cleaned him out, but does Rei really have to be a snob about this? “I don’t have anything else Rei.”

Rei shakes his head and turns away from him to reach for his own bag. “I do.”

Rin blinks at him. “You brought your own lube?”

“Of course, need I remind you that you’re not the only one who has been thinking about this?” Rei fetches his bag, and fishes out a light pink and silver bottle, with intricate sakura designs on the side. “I brought a much superior product for our first time. Silicone-based cherry blossom scented lube to appeal to what I assumed would be your discriminating taste.”

The lube in question is indeed beautiful. Rin takes the product from Rei and turns it over in his hands, admiring the fancy packaging. “Where did you even get this?”

“You need not concern yourself with my methods; I’m quite resourceful.” Rei takes off his glasses and carefully places it on Rin’s bedside table. “Now,” he starts, as he boldly slides a palm up Rin’s thigh. “Shall we start?”

Rin grins and leans up to kiss him, nice and slow. After waiting for so long, he’s determined to rock Rei’s world or his name's not Matsuoka Rin.

*

"Are you fingering me or are you playing Morse code inside my asshole?"

"Please be quiet while I try to locate this fabled erogenous zone."

Rin lies back down on the bed and tries not to let it show on his face that he’d much rather that they proceed with the original agenda (well, Rin’s original agenda) of being in reverse positions. Because for one, he’s sure that the fabled erogenous zone actually exists and he more or less knows where it is-- he wasn’t sleeping during his biology classes in school, and there’s also the tiny detail of him having actively tried to look for it himself during one of his late night showers.

Hence, this is precisely why he should have been the one trying to find it in Rei now. But Rei had been so eager to make Rin feel good that he really couldn’t find it in himself to refuse him his request to take charge this time— especially after Rei started off with the most esoteric attempt at dirty talk Rin’s ever heard in his life, with Rei extolling the virtues of Rin’s body with superlatives like “you possess the platonic ideal of muscles and your buttocks are positively Homeric.”

That was fifteen minutes ago though, and Rin is wondering if Rei is being overly cautious or if Rin is just being a tight-ass. Or maybe that’s just how it’s supposed to be-- Rei is like diesel oil after all, he really takes his time to warm up.

At least Rei is humble enough to concentrate on one task at a time, since Rin probably wouldn’t be able to handle getting his cock sucked while getting fing--

Rin hears a surprised yelp and he suddenly feels a rush of cold air beneath his sweaty back when he momentarily arches off the bed. It takes him a couple of seconds to realize that the person who made that noise is him.

Rei is looking at him uncertainly. “Did I hit it?”

“Did you hit whaaaaholymother of _fuck-!”_  Rin cannot even begin to react properly because Rei repeated the action, and it feels _amazing_ , so much better than when he had tried it for himself, like Rei just zapped a straight line of happy energy from his ass to his brain with a single tap.

Rei’s expression grows confident. "I'm going to add another one," he says and then proceeds to stretch Rin out with another finger.

Okay, that burns a bit. The happy lightning bridge feeling doesn’t come back, and Rin tries not to grimace, but something must be showing on his face because Rei’s brow crinkles in worry and he stops. “I’m really sorry…I do believe I shall be needing more lubrication,” he announces, and goes to pick it up.

The air is once again filled with the fragrance of cherry blossoms, and Rin thinks about how it’s so weird to have something that smells so nice go up his butt. “Did you really have to pick the cherry blossom scent?” he asks idly, hoping that nonchalant conversation would help him relax enough to let Rei do what he wants without him having to apologize every time.

“You like it,” Rei answers simply. “I couldn’t very well produce cherry blossoms in summer, so I figured this would suffice in the meantime.”

“That’s really thoughtful of you.”

“Indeed.” Rei crooks his fingers again, and this time, it connects, making Rin gasp out loud, his eyes squeezing shut to savour the feeling. “It certainly puts a spin on the term popping your cherry, doesn’t it?”

Rin’s eyes fly open, and he lifts himself up by the elbows to stare at his boyfriend, who appears to still be concentrating very hard on his current task. “Oh my god I can't _believe_ you.”

Rei surprisingly keeps a straight face, his eyes refusing to detract from their primary focus. “Would you prefer it if I used the term _deflowering_?

Rin punches him lightly on the arm Rei wasn’t using. “I can't believe you're making sex jokes while we're about to have sex! This is so surreal.”

“Well it clearly works, because now you're relaxed,” Rei replies with a triumphant smile. “As you can see, I'm three fingers in already.”

Rin looks down, and lo and behold, Rei actually has managed to work three of his fingers into Rin’s ass, up to the knuckle. “Huh. Who taught you that?”

“Google… some issues of Badi and Barazoku... also, Haruka-senpai had been most forthcoming with his wisdom.”

Haruka. Had Been. Most. Rin refuses to repeat the words even on a mental scale to prevent irreparable psychological damage. “Are you telling me that Haru makes bad jokes as a form of foreplay?!”

“No, he just mentioned helping you relax using non-sexual means, and I figured that laughter would be the best method,” Rei answers without looking up, and Rin nearly punches the wall when Rei hits home again and stays there. “Google had been most useful with its extensive cache of humour.”

Rin lets out steady breaths as he tries to gather enough wits about himself to keep up with this bizarre conversation. “So...you purposely bought that lube so you can make those jokes?”

Rei pauses, and his fingers, which were already beginning to feel really good in a really weird way, stop before withdrawing with an embarrassing wet sound.

“I…I just wanted to have a perfect set-up,” Rei admits. His entire face, including the back of his neck, is so red, Crayola would probably want to patent it as a new colour, which is kind of ridiculous because Rin’s the one just had three fingers spelunking up his ass here.

There’s a suspended moment where they both just look at each other awkwardly, as if they’re both trying to decide the next proper course of action, and failing miserably at that. 

And then before Rin can stop it, he laughs, fully and not unkindly, and Rei just blinks at him, jaw slightly open, expression frozen into a familiar combination of confusion and wonder. Rin shakes his head, and leans forward, resting his forehead on Rei’s collarbone, his shoulders quaking with the force of his laughter.

“… I’m not entirely sure if I should count this as a success,” Rei mutters into Rin’s hair, and Rin is suddenly suffused with the urge to wrap his arms around his boyfriend and _squeeze_. So he does, rocking back into a sitting position, and pulling Rei into a hug.

“I’m pretty sure you just did,” Rin finally says, once his laughter dies down, lifting his head to look at Rei directly.

See, this is what he loves about Rei-- he _tries_. He tries so hard in everything he does, even when the whole world is hell-bent to make him fail.  Rin wants to say, “It doesn’t have to be perfect” but here he is laughing wholeheartedly with Rei smiling shyly, their skin warm and soft at the places where they touch together. While it certainly doesn’t fall under conventional definitions of beautiful, Rin would like to think that at the very least, this right here is already its own brand of perfection.

The lamp light layers a sheet of pale gold across their faces, making Rei’s expression softer, despite the lingering doubt on his expression. They don’t say anything, but the silence isn’t uncomfortable at all. Rather, it’s reassuring, reminding them that they there’s no need to rush-- they’ve got the rest of tonight to make this work.

Eventually, Rei puts on a rueful smile and drags his clean hand across his face to push back his hair. “I apologize, this is quite unromantic.”

“Well we have really good lamp light and nice-smelling lube,” Rin offers.

“That’s all well and good, but I was hoping that this romantic atmosphere would extend to my person and not just my implements.”

Rin sighs. “Rei, no offense, but I assure you, no one is expected to give off this flawless Casanova vibe for their first time.” Well, okay, maybe Makoto, because he’s got the kind of sweet prince face that Hallmark would probably love to appropriate for all their Valentines greeting cards.  Or maybe Sousuke, because he’s got that dark brooding look often found on the faces of shirtless men in breeches on the covers of romance novels.

Rin quickly decides to keep those thoughts to himself though when he sees Rei’s dejected face, and reaches up to cup his boyfriend’s face in his hands.

“Hey, look at me,” Rin says softly. Rei reluctantly turns his head, lips puffed in what he’ll most definitely deny is a pout later on. “Listen, I don’t care if this is romantic or imperfect, or if we have cheap drugstore lube, or awful clinical white lighting. All I care about is that I’m doing this with _you_.”

Rei blinks and Rin pretends not to notice that Rei’s eyes look suspiciously moist. “I feel the same.“

“Good.” Satisfied, Rin lies back down and makes himself comfortable, forcefully banishing all self-consciousness away from his brain as he lifts his knees and uses his hands to spread his thighs wider, in a pose he’s only ever seen in Aichiirou’s hardcore BL magazines. “Now will you just _please_ put your dick in my ass.”

Not the most romantic way to say it, but Rei seems to have no complaints whatsoever.

*

In the end, Rin discovers that buttfucking is ultimately messy, embarrassing and feels like repeatedly taking a huge yet bizarrely pleasurable dump, but for what it’s worth, it _does_ get better.

Well okay, the first time Rei got all the way in, Rin’s pretty sure his moaning sounded more like a soul in torment instead of someone finally getting laid after two weeks of failed attempts at seduction— it hurt, it hurt _a fucking lot_ , but hell would be a magic winter wonderland with little ice skating rinks before Rin would admit it out loud.

Now though, Rei’s brow is furrowed in concentration above him, his hips moving in precise, rhythmic surges that has Rin’s hands bunching fistfuls of his sheets, swear words occasionally punctuating the short high gasps he still can’t believe are coming out of his mouth.

Unlike in swimming, Rei’s apparently a much faster learner when it comes to matters of the carnal congress, and it doesn’t take long for him to sink into Rin at an angle that totally makes Rin feel like every single one of his neurons crossed paths and erupted in a chorus of hallelujahs.

“Fuck, do that again,” Rin gasps, as soon as the lights behind his eyelids begin to fade.

Rei obliges immediately, his thrusts steady and measured like a metronome and Rin sighs, eyes closing as he surrenders to the frenetic bursts of pleasure filling the spaces of his body. Before he knows it, he’s wrapping a fist around his own cock, pumping to match Rei’s cadence, amplifying the pleasure to even greater heights. It doesn’t take long now; after a few more seconds, he finally lets go, shaking as he comes.

Rin feels Rei’s hips driving into him a few more times before Rei’s breath catches in his throat and he thrusts long and deep, before going still, his orgasm taking over.

Rin slumps back against the sheets, allowing Rei to drape himself over him like a cat, and reaches up to stroke his hair. “That was pretty good,” he remarks.

Rei stirs against Rin and shifts a little to sigh against Rin’s throat. “Could be better,” he mumbles.

Rin hums and kisses the top of Rei’s head. “So we’re doing it again, I take it?”

Rin feels Rei’s lips curl into a smile against his skin. “Of course.”

And so, while their date certainly started off as a series of “Oh nos,” it successfully evolves to repeated proclamations of “Oh yeeesss,” and as the night wears on, Rin’s delirious moaning eventually progresses towards “Oh Rei” before finally achieving the ultimate mating call of “Oh God.”

It ends, as beautiful sex ought to, with cuddles, their ankles crossing under the sheets, Rei’s hair splayed all over Rin’s chest, their romantic lamp light exchanged for the whispery silver of the half-moon outside Rin’s window.

"So what did we learn tonight?"

“The importance of being straightforward,” Rin replies, as he pulls Rei closer to him. “Also I can apparently get turned on by inappropriately timed sex jokes.”

“My tactics may be crude, but they _are_ effective,” Rei remarks dryly. “But I promise to employ a more appropriate foreplay strategy next time.”

Rin chuckles, and reaches up to thread his fingers through Rei’s hair-- a habit he recently learned makes Rei go all soft and malleable against him. “You mean the time after next, because we agreed that next time is my turn to get tactical on your ass.”

Rin can’t see it, but he can feel Rei blushing and smiling against his skin.

“I look forward to it.”

~*~*~*~

Makoto wakes up to the sound of his phone ringing, the guitar riffs of a L’arc en Ciel song blasting through his phone’s speakers at decibels far too high for this early in the morning. Groggily, he reaches out on the bedside table, blindly grabs at his phone, nearly dropping it over the side in the process, before finally holding it over his head to check it.

“Matsuoka Rin calling” flashes across his screen. Frowning, he presses the green button, brings his phone to his ear and answers. “Rin?”

“So about those tips,” Rin says by way of greeting.

Makoto yawns, and covers his mouth to stifle it. “Tips? What are you talking about?”

“You know…” Rin’s voice is hushed, like he’s talking to Makoto from under a mattress or inside a densely populated closet.

“Sorry?”

“The aftermath of rocking the boat?”

“What?”

“Cave and the eel?”

“Rin, I’ve only been awake for 30 seconds, I can’t process this right now.”

“Making lo—bunnies?”

“...Bunnies?” Makoto is vaguely aware that something should be registering to him at this point but it just keeps eluding him. He sits up slowly, hoping his more upright position would help kick-start his head into gear. “Making lots of bunnies?”

Rin makes an angry hissing noise like a snake stuck in a chicken coop wire. “Yes, you know how painful it is when you make lots of-- goddammit Makoto you’d better wake the fuck up and get with the program or I swear to god I will find a way to punch you in the face through this phone call.”

What could Rin possibly mean by rocking a boat with an eel going into a cave and making lots of bun—?

Realization hits Makoto like a pistol whip to the skull and he sits up straight, the headboard banging against the wall at the sudden movement. “Oh _bunnies_ ,” he chokes out. “Right... of course Rin.”

“About fucking time,” Rin grumbles.

Makoto bites his lip. “But I thought it was Rei who was going to—“

“Tell Haru he’s a conniving little shit,” Rin snaps, and Makoto doesn’t know how, but he could practically _hear_ Rin blushing. “And uh, _thanksIguess._ ”

 _That_ one, Makoto caught, and he smiles, even if Rin can’t see it. “Sure. So uh, how did it go?”

There’s a pause at the end of the line and then, “Are you seriously asking me that?”

Now that Rin mentioned it, no, Makoto would actually be perfectly happy if he never gets to hear the finer details of Rin and Rei’s first times canoodling in bed. Clearly he’s not awake enough yet. He slaps his cheeks a couple of times. “Yeah no, don’t answer that. But um, if you’re asking for tips, does this mean you had a bad time?”

“Excuse you, our first time was awesome. Our stamina is extraordinary. I came like, three times.”

 _Ooookay_. Makoto shakes his head vigorously, trying to clear it, feeling like he’s still missing something here. “So I’m assuming Rei was the one who...uh…rocked the bunnies into your—?”

“--Yeah, but we made a deal that I’ll do it next time,” Rin interrupts, much to Makoto’s relief. “But that’s not what I called you for, okay.”

“Right. Pain of bunnies aftereffect.” Putting aside that that’s the most bizarre string of words Makoto has ever uttered in his lifetime, Rin is in serious, possibly debilitating pain here and Makoto is duty bound to help him out in any way he can. “Uh, well you just have to rest and not do anything extremely strenuous I guess.”

“It’s not just that.”

 _Uh oh._ “What else?”

There’s a long pause at the end of the line before Rin speaks up again: “My dinner was extra spicy.”

For all that Makoto gets the saint reputation, there is not enough goodness in his body to stop the chuckle from escaping him. He quickly covers his mouth with his hand, letting his shoulders take the brunt of his laughter.

“Don’t you dare fucking laugh Makoto, you’re the one who suggested this!” Rin complains over the phone.

Makoto manages to get his laughter down without choking. “Okay okay, um... on a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?”

“What kind of bullshit scale is that, numbers cannot even begin to cover the extent of my suffering,” Rin groans.

Makoto winces. “That bad huh?”

“Like my ass got an in-depth anal exam from a hellhound proctologist.”

This time, Makoto has to physically bury the phone under his pillow as he nearly chokes on a possibly rib-fracturing laughing fit. He vaguely hears Rin grumbling about Makoto’s rudeness over the phone and takes a few calming breaths to get the worst of his laughter down before putting the phone back to his ear. “Okay, okay,” he gasps out.  “Let’s meet up somewhere later and I’ll give you something for that.”

“Okay. Thanks Makoto. Don’t tell Haru.”

“Aww, but what if he asks?”

“Then _lie._ ”

“What, I can’t do that! Rin, one of the foundations of a healthy relationship is trust and honesty and—.”

“—Augh, alright fine!” Rin cuts in. “But only if he asks. And he has to say my name okay, and mention my ass _specifically_.”

Makoto thinks about how Haru will figure all of this out without Makoto having to actually say anything and allows himself to feel a little guilty when he replies. “Okay.”

“Okay. See you later Makoto.”

“See you.”

The call ends. Makoto puts his phone back on the bedside table and chuckles quietly as he goes back under the covers.

Haru swings an arm around his waist and sleepily murmurs: “What are you laughing about?”

Makoto lays his head on the pillow, looking at his boyfriend, who still has his eyes closed. “I’m not supposed to tell you.”

“Hmm.” Haru lazily opens his eyes, takes one look at Makoto’s grin and closes them again. “It’s Rin isn’t it?”

Makoto’s smile takes on a wry curve. Not even two seconds. Haru’s always been astoundingly astute wherever Rin is concerned after all.  “Yeah.”

“Is he hurt?”

“Sort of...”

“In a bad way or a sexy way?”

“… I can’t believe you just said that with a straight face.”

“Sexy way then,” Haru decides, ignoring Makoto’s exasperated sigh. He shifts closer, his hand snaking down to rest on the small of Makoto’s back, fingers automatically digging into the dip of muscles beneath with soft but firm pressures. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Haru!” Makoto scolds, albeit weakly. “Rin’s in serious pain!”

“It can’t be too serious if you were laughing about it.”

Makoto swats at his arm, feeling simultaneously exasperated and impressed by Haru unwitting sass this early in the morning. Haru takes this as an act of retaliation and proceeds to nuzzle his nose against the crook of Makoto’s neck and biting lightly, eliciting breathless giggles that make Makoto forget what he is about to say, which he highly suspects is Haru’s intention all along.

“What about you?” Haru says after several minutes of comfortable, sleepy silence.

Makoto lazily opens his eyes, feeling himself giving in to a few more minutes of snooze time. “Hmm?”

“Are you hurting in a sexy way?”

“...Haru please.”

 

~fin~

 

**EXTRA BONUS (SOUGOU):**

 

“So,” Sousuke starts, as he carefully removes his jacket so that it doesn’t get in the way of showing off his teal muscle shirt that goes so well with his eyes. The regular couch and dining tables are full, so they are sitting side by side on the stools lined up at the bar flush against the wall, right in front of the colourful anime posters. He shifts a little closer, his forearm brushing against Gou’s. “Doesn’t this kind of make you want to _reminisce_?” 

They’re at Gou’s favourite ice cream parlour where Sousuke insists on treating her to thank her for accompanying him to the hospital for his past three appointments, and for hanging out with him whenever Rin is too busy mooning over his boyfriend. And for maybe something else entirely, if Sousuke plays his cards right.

Gou sticks a long spoon into the tall glass of her chocolate parfait. “Yeah. I can’t believe this place is still here,” she murmurs. “I remember when Onii-chan would always complain when I said I want to get ice cream here but would give in when you agree to come with me instead.”

Sousuke is pleased to know that she remembers the part about Sousuke being that considerate and thoughtful best friend of her big brother, and not the boy who threw up on her shoes one time because Rin tricked him into believing that yogurt bacteria builds destructive colonies inside his intestines. “Yeah, those are the days I really _miss_.”

“Me too.” Gou smiles at him, plucks the cherry from the top of her ice cream and brings it to her lips contemplatively. “It really makes me happy you feel the same.” She bites off the cherry and chews slowly, her cheeks puffing up in the most adorable way. “I’m surprised that you’d also be so fond of them…”

“Of course I’m fond of them!” Sousuke blurts out. “They’re memories that I won’t ever uh…” He quickly checks his phone again. “Um, _dismiss_.” He nearly winces at how bad that came out but Gou doesn’t seem to notice his attempts to make a fool out of himself yet, so at least he has that going for him.

In fact, Gou actually beams, like he said something really clever, and leans both her elbows on the table, angling her head to look at him, twirling the cherry stem in her fingers. “Hey Sousuke-kun, do you know what the most powerful muscle of the human body is?”

Sousuke blinks at this completely unexpected segue. “Uh. The thighs?”

“No. The tongue. It can do this.” She proceeds to pop the stem in her mouth and works it for approximately twenty seconds. Sousuke finds himself imagining what that innocent stem is going through right now and wonders what it says about himself that he's never wished so badly to become a cherry. After a few more seconds, Gou reaches into her mouth, pulls, and there, held between her two fingers is the stem, perfectly tied into a knot.

“I may not have lots of muscles like you but mine works really well for things involving specific details. And also…” In a move so quick, Sousuke almost thinks he imagined it, she leans over to give Sousuke a quick peck on the lips, leaving him poleaxed, but in a really punch-drunk, giddy way.

“If you just want a _kiss_ Sousuke, just say so,” she says, beaming at him before digging back into her chocolate parfait with her right hand, and resting her left palm directly on Sousuke’s hand to twine their fingers together on the small table space between them.

Sousuke snaps out of his daze at the very real sensation of Gou holding his hand. “So uh, does this mean you like me?”

Gou rolls her eyes. “What is it with boys needing to have things spelled out for them?” she complains. “First it’s Onii-chan, then Rei-kun, and now you. You three are supposed to be the smartest students in your class.”

Sousuke is horrified to learn that he’s actually being categorized in the same disaster zone as Rin and his boyfriend. “I just don’t want to be presumptuous that’s all,” he admits sheepishly. “And I want to hear it from you.”

Gou’s expression softens to mild amusement. “Sousuke-kun, I just tied a cherry stem in my mouth and _kissed_ you.”

“You’re right, I’m a moron,” Sousuke amends quickly.

“Just sometimes,” Gou says with a wink, and squeezes Sousuke’s hand.

Sousuke tries to wipe the stupid grin off his face by taking another sip of his root beer float. Well attempting to take a sip at least, since he misses his mouth with the straw the first few times, because it’s taking all his energy to project his regular pretence as the king of cool, while also coming to terms with the reality that he’s more or less dating Gou now.

Just as he’s about to suggest heading somewhere where they can be alone after their ice cream date, an ominous shadow falls over the two of them. He slowly looks up and sees his apoplectic best friend and said best friend’s very apologetic boyfriend, standing behind them. Rin takes another step forward, and Sousuke only dimly notices the slight limp because all his attention is on how Rin is eyeing his and Gou’s hands like he wants to set them on fire.

“Explain _this_ ,” Rin snarls, and Sousuke nearly chokes on his soda.

 

~the end, for real this time~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took 5 months to update-- had to take a writing hiatus of almost 3 months due to work stuff. But hey, better late than never right? Thanks to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos and comments, it had been a blast writing this ship!


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